Murphy's Laws for Auctions (humor)
Tuesday, December 20th, 2016 8:29pm

Murphy's Laws for Auctions:

1.  Everyone's a tightwad until they get to the things you want, and then everyone's a millionaire.
2.  The items you came to the auction for are rarely the ones you leave with.
3.  The worse the weather, the more people show up.  The better the weather, the less that show up.
4.  The auctioneer will never overlook you in the bidding process until he's selling something that you've absolutely gotta have, at which point you become invisible.
5.  The bigger the auction, the less likely you are to find anything you want.
6.  Everyone parks like a champion until it's time for you to go, and then everyone suddenly suffers amnesia.
7.  The distance to your car is directly proportional to the weight, quantity or size of the items you have to carry to it.  (ie, the further you have to walk, the heavier/bigger the items)
8.  The best auctions are always on the days you can't go.
9.  The auctioneer always holds two rings on the days you're alone, and makes sure that you need things at both locations.
10.  The degree to which you need to eat, sleep, drink or use the bathroom is always directly proportional to how soon the auctioneer will be getting to the items you want to bid on.
11.  It's all fun and games until it's time to check out.
12.  They never sell the items you want until you're nowhere nearby.
13.  The greater the retail cost of the item, the more likely it will be stolen or removed from sale just before the auction. (yes, had this one happen plenty of times)
14.  The highest bidders are usually those who know the least about the actual retail cost or value of an item they just bid on.
15.  If you can't see who's bidding against you, stop and walk away.  If you don't, they'll just make you pay WAY more than you want to.
16.  Bidder ping pong is the auction equivalent of king of the hill.  The parties involved don't care how much it ultimately costs them just so long as they win.
17.  The items NOT listed on the auction flier are often far better deals than the items that were listed.
18.  The quality of an auction is directly proportional to the amount of people leaving vs those who are staying.
19.  The amount of rain or snow that falls on any given auction day is directly proportional to the amount required to damage any item up for sale.
20.  The person who paid the most for a particular item is quite often the one who needed it the least.
21.  When being offered choice of any group of items, the price you're willing to pay is always less than the current bid, and the items you wanted are always the first ones to be picked.
22.  The item you want is always the last thing they sell.
23.  The item you want the most is always lumped in with the items you want least.

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